Funky Love

Posts Tagged ‘Myth’

Your boyfriend tends to remark on what the men in the bar are wearing as often as he does the girls. When he’s had a little to drink he flirts a little with the men at the table. Although he says that he is hetero, you are beginning to wonder if maybe he would bat for both teams, if given the chance.

Bisexuality is fast becoming less though of as a third orientation. Some bisexuals contend that we are all bisexual to a degree. Others submit that it is a natural part of curiosity and most people have thoughts or feelings about the same sex as well as the opposite sex, but do not consider themselves as homosexual. Still others shout from the roof tops that it is the best of both worlds. So if he is attracted to both men and women, does that automatically make him a bisexual?

Not necessarily. The best definition I’ve heard of sexual orientation is based not on who you have slept with, but who you’d like to sleep with. Take it for what it’s worth. It’s also a myth that all bisexuals are just going through a phase in determining which sexuality they prefer to identify with. This is dangerous thinking because it implies that homosexuality is a choice, which the moral majority would have you believe. We know that it is not.

You need also remember that sexuality is like a spiral, not a line. It can change and shift over time. Just because a person is attracted to both sexes doe not mean that they can not have a magnanimous relationship with one person. They have chosen you as a person, not as a sexual being. Bisexuals are often not attracted equally to both sexes, either, although nothing is set in stone-some are.

So what are you going to do about it? Remember that he may not see it himself, or he may be denying it, or confused, or afraid you won’t understand. You need to figure out how you feel about the possibility before you confront him or jump to conclusions that could hurt your relationship. If you have a problem with it, maybe you should look at why. Are you insecure or afraid he will “turn gay” and leave you if it comes out in the open? Honesty in a relationship is the most important aspect of intimacy, and not sex.

If you are with a great guy and have great sex and you love each other, who cares who he is attracted to? He may never act on it, or you may discuss the possibility of him acting on his feelings if it’s out in the open. If it’s true he will probably be relieved.

But what if you’re wrong? If you think he may be bisexual but aren’t sure, you had better make reasonably sure before you ask him about it. If the two of you have been together for awhile, this will probably be easier, but if the relationship is new you might want to check with old girlfriends or mutual friends before you shoot off your mouth. If you are just being easily jealous and insecure because of your own issues, get a grip.

"Should the sun refuse to shine, should romance run out of rhyme; you alone will hold my heart — now until the very end of time."
– Verses of Love

The biggest myth in romance is that you must pull off something big and extravagant so that your efforts will matter. The truth is that what will impress your Woman the most will often be the little things.

Little things are rather simple things that you do for your Woman. Despite the fact that they are "little" – they can mean so much. Your Woman will be touched that you took the time to show her that you care so much. You will be considered thoughtful. All of this plays very well when wishing to be romantic.

Consider your Woman’s heart to be a basket. The basket wants to be filled. When you shower your Woman’s basket with many, little gifts, the basket will be filled and your Woman will be content and feel loved. It is as simple as that!

Considering the importance of every day little things, think about some new romantic ideas.

Just for today:

• Pay your Woman a compliment, such as how awesome they look.
• Give your Woman a strong hug just because.
• Pick a bouquet of wild flowers and present them with a kiss.
• Massage their back and/or feet at the end of a work week.
• Leave an "I love you" note on their pillow.
• Call spontaneously at their work to say "I am thinking about you."
• Place your arm around your Woman in public.

Remember, when you take the time to be thoughtful and attentive today, this can usher in more intense romance later on.

It is a myth that choosing an open relationship, or swinging, means that you are allowed to cheat. Couples living "The Lifestyle" define what their commitment means to them and both parties are expected to respect that agreement. It isn’t that different from what many couples do in monogamous relationships. One couple might think it is perfectly fine for each person to view porn or go to strip clubs while these things would constitute cheating to another couple. A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn’t feel comfortable telling your partner about what you have done then it is cheating.

Anne and Mike are a couple in their 50’s I met at a convention in Orlando who had been living the lifestyle for over a decade. They considered themselves to be fluid monogamous, which meant that they were able to fool around with other people freely as long as there were no fluids exchanged. They agreed to this in part because of concerns about sexually transmitted diseases but also because they enjoyed the idea of that part of the sexual act being special to them. Mike came home one night and confessed that he had been having unprotected intercourse with a new partner breaking their agreement and in effect cheating on her. They were able to overcome this betrayal over time but they had to work hard to rebuild trust. It was hard for some people to understand why Anne was so upset. If she was okay with her partner having sex with other people then what was the difference? But it isn’t that simple. At the heart of any open relationship is trust that the other person will act responsible and respect your primary bond. Without that trust what is the purpose of having a swinging relationship instead of just a series of casual sexual encounters?

If you are new to swinging or have been doing it for a long time it is important to have periodic conversations about what is acceptable within the bounds of the relationship. Talk about who is, and isn’t, an acceptable partner, for instance if it’s okay for someone to get involved with an ex or with someone who is a close friend of yours. You may be okay with the idea of your partner having sex with another person, unless that other person is you cousin or best friend. Now is the time to draw those boundaries. If there are any acts that are off limits with new people then that is also important to spell out ahead of time. Another common boundary in swinging relationships is that there must be prior permission granted before the other person can begin a sexual relationship with someone new. I’ve even seen some couples that only allow a swap or swing when they are able to stay in the same room as it goes on. There is no right or wrong way to do this. It is a lifestyle choice. But if you don’t have the rules spelled out before hand then the result is usually feeling of hurt and betrayal.

What happens if you feel yourself tempted to cheat in your open relationship? When you first have those pangs of temptation then go to your partner and talk about it. It’s possible that they will agree to a change in rule in this circumstance that solves your problem. But even if they don’t often times just talking out the situation can help you understand what it was about the temptation that attracted you in the first place. The thrill of the forbidden is sometimes what you are really craving and talking about it makes it less exciting. But cheating is never the right thing to do. Even if the other person never finds out about it you will carry around the guilt of what happened. If you are unable to be satisfied within the confines of the relationship you and your partner agree to then it is better to leave it and let them find someone more suited to them then to cheat.