Funky Love

Posts Tagged ‘Couples’

When making any kind of relationship-oriented proposition, one should consider how their partner views the status and overall importance of physical intimacy in a relationship, as this will determine both the manner of approach as well as the intervals at which they should suggest new and more risky ideas. For some couples, this will mean jumping straight into a full fledged experiment while, for others, small steps in the right direction are the way to go.

Most importantly, confidence in the strength of the relationship must be known between the two. Nothing will encourage your partner more than ensuring them that no matter how far you deviate from the normal activities, the relationship itself is more important than those activities. Physical intimacy is a very important part of any relationship for most people, so it will not be as difficult as some would think to get the ball rolling.

The first step to introducing new ideas is to present them in such a manner that suggests that you are not committed to that idea. Committing yourself to anything other than the relationship can compromise your partners faith in your commitment to the lasting of the relationship itself. It is important then to offer them up as ideas verses wants or needs, and to let your partner know that you have simply been thinking about it lately or tossing the idea around. It may be helpful to mention that you just read about it or a friend mentioned that they and their partner tried it.

Remember though, information has a way of spreading like disease so only mention a friend if it is actually true and don’t use a friend as an example unless you are sure your partner likes that friend of yours. They may very well be willing to try it simply based on the fact that your friend has done it and they don’t want to you feel left out. It is also crucial to present the idea as something fairly recent, as bringing up an idea you have been considering for awhile can have negative effects. First, it makes them question the trust, since you did not mention it sooner. Second, you will be on different pages in their mind, as the idea will be new to them but not to you.

The second step is to present the idea in different ways, asking your partners opinion and thoughts on the matter. Simply stating a good case is not always enough to convince them that it is a good idea. Even if they like what you are presenting, they may still feel left out of the planning process and therefore are likely to feel left out of the act itself. It is important to present the idea not just as your own but as something that your partner has equal share in planning. The more you let them do, the better. Remember, you will still have an opinion on the matter, but if your partner spends the better half of this conversation talking, you will have them convinced that it was their idea.

The third step is putting the idea into action. Any new idea may be weird for either or both of you so keeping a real open mind is important for yourself and encouraging your partner to try this and that is a good thing. Ensure them that they will feel good. Tell them that you just want to please them and let them know that they can be open with what they do and don’t like about it. And remember, confidence is contagious. If you are certain that this is a good thing, it will help them to be certain as well.

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It is a myth that choosing an open relationship, or swinging, means that you are allowed to cheat. Couples living "The Lifestyle" define what their commitment means to them and both parties are expected to respect that agreement. It isn’t that different from what many couples do in monogamous relationships. One couple might think it is perfectly fine for each person to view porn or go to strip clubs while these things would constitute cheating to another couple. A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn’t feel comfortable telling your partner about what you have done then it is cheating.

Anne and Mike are a couple in their 50’s I met at a convention in Orlando who had been living the lifestyle for over a decade. They considered themselves to be fluid monogamous, which meant that they were able to fool around with other people freely as long as there were no fluids exchanged. They agreed to this in part because of concerns about sexually transmitted diseases but also because they enjoyed the idea of that part of the sexual act being special to them. Mike came home one night and confessed that he had been having unprotected intercourse with a new partner breaking their agreement and in effect cheating on her. They were able to overcome this betrayal over time but they had to work hard to rebuild trust. It was hard for some people to understand why Anne was so upset. If she was okay with her partner having sex with other people then what was the difference? But it isn’t that simple. At the heart of any open relationship is trust that the other person will act responsible and respect your primary bond. Without that trust what is the purpose of having a swinging relationship instead of just a series of casual sexual encounters?

If you are new to swinging or have been doing it for a long time it is important to have periodic conversations about what is acceptable within the bounds of the relationship. Talk about who is, and isn’t, an acceptable partner, for instance if it’s okay for someone to get involved with an ex or with someone who is a close friend of yours. You may be okay with the idea of your partner having sex with another person, unless that other person is you cousin or best friend. Now is the time to draw those boundaries. If there are any acts that are off limits with new people then that is also important to spell out ahead of time. Another common boundary in swinging relationships is that there must be prior permission granted before the other person can begin a sexual relationship with someone new. I’ve even seen some couples that only allow a swap or swing when they are able to stay in the same room as it goes on. There is no right or wrong way to do this. It is a lifestyle choice. But if you don’t have the rules spelled out before hand then the result is usually feeling of hurt and betrayal.

What happens if you feel yourself tempted to cheat in your open relationship? When you first have those pangs of temptation then go to your partner and talk about it. It’s possible that they will agree to a change in rule in this circumstance that solves your problem. But even if they don’t often times just talking out the situation can help you understand what it was about the temptation that attracted you in the first place. The thrill of the forbidden is sometimes what you are really craving and talking about it makes it less exciting. But cheating is never the right thing to do. Even if the other person never finds out about it you will carry around the guilt of what happened. If you are unable to be satisfied within the confines of the relationship you and your partner agree to then it is better to leave it and let them find someone more suited to them then to cheat.

Social sexual relational recreation among men and women. It is a couple oriented activity but single men and women sometimes are involved.

Where two or more couples agree to get together for the express purpose of engaging in intimate, sexual relations with a partner or partners other than their own.

A swing club, usually requiring membership. It offers social and swinging activities, which may be regular, on premise swing parties. Attendance may be restricted to couples, although the marital status of these couples is normally not important.

Sexual interaction among couples using separate rooms so that partners of a marriage or other intimate relationship do not visually observe each other’s swinging. The rooms are almost always in the same house.

NIAGARA FALLS, Ont. – Sexyboots, as she prefers to be called, admits she’ll be committing adultery in Niagara Falls this weekend.

But she won’t be cheating. In fact, her husband will likely be in the same room nodding with approval.

This is how they keep their marriage strong, she insists. And their swinger friends, who they know very well, tend to agree.

“Most of our friends have been married between 22 and 12 years, and have been in the lifestyle for at least five,” she said from her home in Toronto.

“People naturally lust after more than their spouse. Some act on it without consent and have affairs, some repress it, some acknowledge but don’t act on it.”

“I’m not advocating this for everyone – you have to be able to trust your spouse implicitly.”

Sexyboots, 37, and her husband will be among the hundreds of couples expected to attend this weekend’s Valentines in Niagara erotic convention and expo.

Organized by the swinger-friendly website OntarioCouples.com, it will be held in an undisclosed hotel to protect privacy and keep undesirables away.

Privacy is key to an event like this because some couples are still experimenting and don’t need the added scrutiny, Sexyboots said.

Others simply don’t know what they’d tell their friends and family if their secret was revealed.

“My family would not be shocked, partially because they know we have a good sex life (and) they are so liberal and open-minded,” she said. “His family would be appalled.”

Several seminars are scheduled for the expo, including pole-dancing classes and a tantric sex workshop. The entire three-day event costs $598 per couple.

While Sexyboots said sex is definitely in the air this weekend, it’s also a chance to do the “regular” couple thing and visit Niagara Falls.

“It’s a mini vacation for many of the couples. No job, kids, parents, in-laws, housework, errands – just you and your honey and whatever you want to do.”

That suits Niagara Falls Tourism just fine.

After an initial chuckle, executive director Anna Pierce pointed out swingers are tourists just like everyone else.

“We definitely welcome all visitors to Niagara Falls, and we’d like to feel that we’re open to any groups wanting to come and enjoy our city,” she said.

“As long as it stays in the comfort of their own suites, we’re fine. It’s a good, strong group of people, and we can definitely use the business.”

When making any kind of relationship-oriented proposition, one should consider how their partner views the status and overall importance of physical intimacy in a relationship, as this will determine both the manner of approach as well as the intervals at which they should suggest new and more risky ideas. For some couples, this will mean jumping straight into a full fledged experiment while, for others, small steps in the right direction are the way to go.

Most importantly, confidence in the strength of the relationship must be known between the two. Nothing will encourage your partner more than ensuring them that no matter how far you deviate from the normal activities, the relationship itself is more important than those activities. Physical intimacy is a very important part of any relationship for most people, so it will not be as difficult as some would think to get the ball rolling.

The first step to introducing new ideas is to present them in such a manner that suggests that you are not committed to that idea. Committing yourself to anything other than the relationship can compromise your partners faith in your commitment to the lasting of the relationship itself. It is important then to offer them up as ideas verses wants or needs, and to let your partner know that you have simply been thinking about it lately or tossing the idea around. It may be helpful to mention that you just read about it or a friend mentioned that they and their partner tried it.

Remember though, information has a way of spreading like disease so only mention a friend if it is actually true and don’t use a friend as an example unless you are sure your partner likes that friend of yours. They may very well be willing to try it simply based on the fact that your friend has done it and they don’t want to you feel left out. It is also crucial to present the idea as something fairly recent, as bringing up an idea you have been considering for awhile can have negative effects. First, it makes them question the trust, since you did not mention it sooner. Second, you will be on different pages in their mind, as the idea will be new to them but not to you.

The second step is to present the idea in different ways, asking your partners opinion and thoughts on the matter. Simply stating a good case is not always enough to convince them that it is a good idea. Even if they like what you are presenting, they may still feel left out of the planning process and therefore are likely to feel left out of the act itself. It is important to present the idea not just as your own but as something that your partner has equal share in planning. The more you let them do, the better. Remember, you will still have an opinion on the matter, but if your partner spends the better half of this conversation talking, you will have them convinced that it was their idea.

The third step is putting the idea into action. Any new idea may be weird for either or both of you so keeping a real open mind is important for yourself and encouraging your partner to try this and that is a good thing. Ensure them that they will feel good. Tell them that you just want to please them and let them know that they can be open with what they do and don’t like about it. And remember, confidence is contagious. If you are certain that this is a good thing, it will help them to be certain as well.